Community

As people grow, satisfaction with friendships and support networks can shift. For some, the person who used to be their favorite partying buddy is now a drain on their wallet. For others, the person who used to be their confidante at a previous job no longer “gets them.” It can be difficult to cut out unhealthy relationships, and it’s possible to lose sight of the support network you DO have set up around you.

One of my favorite books (Take Time for Your Life, by Cheryl Richardson) has an interesting exercise. The author asks you to take inventory of the people who are already a part of your life. If you are interested, I invite you to whip out a piece of paper and list individuals who apply to each category.

My family, or chosen family consists of:
Children I love to spend time with include:
Close friends with whom I can share my heart and soul are:
My spiritual community consists of:
My professional community includes:
Acquaintances include:

When you take a step back and look at these lists, what jumps out at you?

Do you have an abundance of names in one area but not in another? Are there relationships you’d like to have more of? Is there someone you want to bring back into your life? Is there anybody you should remove from the list? Are there people on your list with whom you’d like to connect more deeply?

This was a helpful exercise for me when we first moved to Phoenix. My husband and I did not know a single person here, and I was feeling lonely – like the move had taken me away from a huge network of close friends. When I did this exercise, I was surprised to find that I actually only had a handful of friends that I wanted to bare my soul to. What I did have was a huge network of acquaintances, some who also stimulated me in areas like my new profession and spirituality. These people were part of a well-rounded virtual community, and I was most definitely not alone. I suddenly appreciated all of the people I was keeping in touch with, and realized that what I was missing was a community to share activities with. Now, my neighbor and I go hiking every Saturday morning, I’ve found a great yoga class in the area, and we’ve found another couple to hit the local restaurants with. Without this, I might have gone on feeling like the move had cost me my closest friends!!

Quote of the Week: “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything at all.” - Muhammad Ali