Imagine that it's a Thursday night. You know you've worked really hard all week, and are going to slog it through one last workday before you come home exhausted on Friday night - maybe just looking forward to that new release DVD and your soft bed.
Of course, come Saturday, we all do laundry, catch up on the (depressing) news, pay our bills, ponder our personal finances, and wonder with friends over a morning coffee whether we're doing the right thing.
I wonder why we don't feel like we deserve to prioritize having fun. When we were kids, surely our entire lives were filled with mischievous plans to soak our neighbor with water balloons, or to make sure our parents arranged a play date so we could play tag or have a tea party.
When did we get so . . . serious??!
Since we have to deal with the real life business of getting older and becoming responsible, surely we need to balance life out with a few laughs and moments of freedom - if only to keep our sanity!! It helps us manage our inevitable stress, and besides, we deserve it.
What rejuvenates you? What makes you feel free again? What do you do to have fun - true, unabashed, laugh-out-loud fun? And how can you make that a regular occurrence in your life?
** For an easy list of suggestions on ways to add fun to your life, ask to be added to our monthly newsletter! Email: sara@azrelationships.com **
Quote of the Week: "Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one." ~ Dr. Seuss
07 September 2008
24 February 2008
Mindset Matters
So here we are, a year after "The Secret" took our world by storm and we all decided that just dreaming about that fabulous Ferrari wasn't going to deliver it to our driveways. And the authorities agree, living our ideal life is not just about thinking and wishing and dreaming.
However, the truth is, mindset affects our reality quite a bit. There are plenty of happy children in poor countries, creating games out of the lone plastic bag they found on the street. On the other side, there are plenty of miserable people who on the surface have it all - witness Britney Spears. So let's say we agree that our happiness is not just about the external circumstances, but also about our internal attitude. Where's the proof that our mindset matters?
Here's one scientific experiment. Women who were informed that the work they did (cleaning hotel rooms) is good exercise and satisfies the Surgeon General's recommendations for an active lifestyle not only perceived themselves to be getting significantly more exercise than before, but also showed a decrease in weight, blood pressure, body fat, waist-to-hip ratio, and BMI - all in four weeks!
Here's another. A study showed that pregnant women who were given sugar pills (placebos) and told that these "drugs" were meant to help cure morning sickness actually got better. Even more amazingly, women who were given (mild) doses of a drug that induces vomiting actually got BETTER when they were taking drugs that should have made them sicker.
YES, these are honest to goodness scientific experiments. Perhaps the mind truly does have amazing power over the body, and perception is the key. Perhaps beliefs can be self-fulfilling prophecies. So how does this apply to you? Where in your life (work, relationships, exercise, fun) can you use the power of your mind and actively use it to your advantage?
Quote of the week: "If you think you can, or if you think you can't, you're right." - Henry Ford
However, the truth is, mindset affects our reality quite a bit. There are plenty of happy children in poor countries, creating games out of the lone plastic bag they found on the street. On the other side, there are plenty of miserable people who on the surface have it all - witness Britney Spears. So let's say we agree that our happiness is not just about the external circumstances, but also about our internal attitude. Where's the proof that our mindset matters?
Here's one scientific experiment. Women who were informed that the work they did (cleaning hotel rooms) is good exercise and satisfies the Surgeon General's recommendations for an active lifestyle not only perceived themselves to be getting significantly more exercise than before, but also showed a decrease in weight, blood pressure, body fat, waist-to-hip ratio, and BMI - all in four weeks!
Here's another. A study showed that pregnant women who were given sugar pills (placebos) and told that these "drugs" were meant to help cure morning sickness actually got better. Even more amazingly, women who were given (mild) doses of a drug that induces vomiting actually got BETTER when they were taking drugs that should have made them sicker.
YES, these are honest to goodness scientific experiments. Perhaps the mind truly does have amazing power over the body, and perception is the key. Perhaps beliefs can be self-fulfilling prophecies. So how does this apply to you? Where in your life (work, relationships, exercise, fun) can you use the power of your mind and actively use it to your advantage?
Quote of the week: "If you think you can, or if you think you can't, you're right." - Henry Ford
06 February 2008
Simple Silence
Here we are, constantly trying to learn more, add more, cram in that one research report on the train home to get smarter and push out that one extra assignment to feel more accomplished – juggling a billion roles and rarely feeling like we get anything done totally well. This is why it got my attention when I recently heard from a working mother who said she managed to feel good every day about her accomplishments. She had decided that if she could only make sure that the kitchen was sparkling clean before she went to sleep, so her husband had a clean place to make the family coffee in the morning – no matter how messy the rest of the house was with children’s toys or paperwork – then she had permission to relax and feel that she did her job well. That simplification, the idea that finishing just one or two things completely & well by the end of each day means success, was really interesting.
What happens when we don’t allow ourselves to slow down, to simplify, to make time to process our day? Time to sit back and let all those thoughts marinate? We feel rushed, pushed, exhausted and unable to be creative. Overloading ourselves is like dumping tons of information into a vat and wondering why the plastic cracked; taking time out gives us the opportunity to use that same information to change the shape and fabric of the vessel. Without giving ourselves that time, that moment of silence, we do not change and despite all the effort, it’s likely that our performance won’t improve. In fact, there is a study that shows that rats who went through a complicated maze did no better if they were thrown into it immediately afterwards; those that stood still for a moment after they emerged, however, did significantly better the subsequent times.
In the same way, those of us running the rat race might really benefit from carving out just one moment a day when we take a step back, pause, and do nothing. Even for a minute. What time of day would work best for you? What would you do during that minute? What would it take for you to make this a habit?
Quote of the Week: “The soul grows by subtraction, not addition.” - Thoreau
What happens when we don’t allow ourselves to slow down, to simplify, to make time to process our day? Time to sit back and let all those thoughts marinate? We feel rushed, pushed, exhausted and unable to be creative. Overloading ourselves is like dumping tons of information into a vat and wondering why the plastic cracked; taking time out gives us the opportunity to use that same information to change the shape and fabric of the vessel. Without giving ourselves that time, that moment of silence, we do not change and despite all the effort, it’s likely that our performance won’t improve. In fact, there is a study that shows that rats who went through a complicated maze did no better if they were thrown into it immediately afterwards; those that stood still for a moment after they emerged, however, did significantly better the subsequent times.
In the same way, those of us running the rat race might really benefit from carving out just one moment a day when we take a step back, pause, and do nothing. Even for a minute. What time of day would work best for you? What would you do during that minute? What would it take for you to make this a habit?
Quote of the Week: “The soul grows by subtraction, not addition.” - Thoreau
25 January 2008
Weathering the Weather
Here we are in the midst of the winter blues. For most of the country, the weather has been unpleasant -- rainy, cloudy, snowy, cold, and more than anything, unpredictable. Leaving the debate between global warming or natural cycles aside, for the majority of people who sit in an office or classroom during the week, it can be frustrating when the weekend weather doesn't live up to expectations.
Before you know it, you are feeling grumpy and are dragging through the week, lacking the energy to perform your every day activities. According to one local expert, this country is becoming one whose people are Vitamin D deficient -- which can lead to chronic diseases like high blood pressure, cancer, pain, periodontal issues, osteoporosis, and Seasonal Affective Disorder.
What can you do to take better care of yourself this season? The medical authorities say that 10~15min of sunshine three times a week, without sunscreen, is all you need for adequate Vitamin D production, so seize those rare moments of clear skies! Give yourself permission to take a walk around the building over your lunch break when it's sunny. If nothing else, getting the blood pumping may be enough to offset the sluggishness you feel.
If you, like many of those in Arizona, always wear sunscreen that blocks out UVB rays, consider getting Vitamin D from sources like fatty fish (salmon, tuna, eel), mushrooms, or a whole egg, or supplements like fish liver oils. In the US & Canada, foods like milk and yogurt are fortified with Vitamin D as well, so consider increasing your intake of these foods during the winter.
Last but not least, make that effort to smile at a stranger or friend! Being grateful for what we do have and showing our appreciation may be the easiest way to fight the blues.
Quote of the Week: "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." - James Matthew Barrie
Before you know it, you are feeling grumpy and are dragging through the week, lacking the energy to perform your every day activities. According to one local expert, this country is becoming one whose people are Vitamin D deficient -- which can lead to chronic diseases like high blood pressure, cancer, pain, periodontal issues, osteoporosis, and Seasonal Affective Disorder.
What can you do to take better care of yourself this season? The medical authorities say that 10~15min of sunshine three times a week, without sunscreen, is all you need for adequate Vitamin D production, so seize those rare moments of clear skies! Give yourself permission to take a walk around the building over your lunch break when it's sunny. If nothing else, getting the blood pumping may be enough to offset the sluggishness you feel.
If you, like many of those in Arizona, always wear sunscreen that blocks out UVB rays, consider getting Vitamin D from sources like fatty fish (salmon, tuna, eel), mushrooms, or a whole egg, or supplements like fish liver oils. In the US & Canada, foods like milk and yogurt are fortified with Vitamin D as well, so consider increasing your intake of these foods during the winter.
Last but not least, make that effort to smile at a stranger or friend! Being grateful for what we do have and showing our appreciation may be the easiest way to fight the blues.
Quote of the Week: "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." - James Matthew Barrie
28 December 2007
Choose your 2008
On the eve of 2008, I thought it would only be appropriate to take a step back, reflect on the highlights of this past year -- big and small triumphs -- and choose one thing to focus on being next year.
One of the keys to setting sustainable goals is to view them as being part of our selves, the BEING, instead of assigning them an external role, the DOING. Here's an example. Say I am graduating from medical school and I set a goal of being the best doctor out there (read: my goal is to DO the role of the doctor to perfection). What if something happens that makes it impossible for me to be a doctor? All hope for my future will be crushed!
Instead, let's say that I decide upon my graduation to set my focus on helping to heal people. If something gets in the way of my being a doctor, I could still consider being an acupuncturist, a counselor, a volunteer at a center for troubled youth. There are many different ways of externally manifesting that internal attitude of healing -- and I have just set myself an achievable, fulfilling goal.
It takes a while to think about how you truly want to BE. Keep it simple, and choose to embrace that internal attitude each day when you wake up. As you do this, the attitude becomes part of your being. If you choose to make 2008 the year of joy, start by smiling. Each day, remind yourself to smile at a stranger. Sooner or later, it'll become a habit and you're going to be joyful and spreading joy without realizing it. Or, if you choose to make 2008 the year of action, start saying yes. Try something new once a week -- that new restaurant, that coffee date with the neighbor, that job interview. You might be surprised with how quickly you break out of your status quo, and how fresh life feels!
Claim 2008. Choose to have your best New Year.
Quote of the Week: “If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.” – Larry McMurtry
One of the keys to setting sustainable goals is to view them as being part of our selves, the BEING, instead of assigning them an external role, the DOING. Here's an example. Say I am graduating from medical school and I set a goal of being the best doctor out there (read: my goal is to DO the role of the doctor to perfection). What if something happens that makes it impossible for me to be a doctor? All hope for my future will be crushed!
Instead, let's say that I decide upon my graduation to set my focus on helping to heal people. If something gets in the way of my being a doctor, I could still consider being an acupuncturist, a counselor, a volunteer at a center for troubled youth. There are many different ways of externally manifesting that internal attitude of healing -- and I have just set myself an achievable, fulfilling goal.
It takes a while to think about how you truly want to BE. Keep it simple, and choose to embrace that internal attitude each day when you wake up. As you do this, the attitude becomes part of your being. If you choose to make 2008 the year of joy, start by smiling. Each day, remind yourself to smile at a stranger. Sooner or later, it'll become a habit and you're going to be joyful and spreading joy without realizing it. Or, if you choose to make 2008 the year of action, start saying yes. Try something new once a week -- that new restaurant, that coffee date with the neighbor, that job interview. You might be surprised with how quickly you break out of your status quo, and how fresh life feels!
Claim 2008. Choose to have your best New Year.
Quote of the Week: “If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.” – Larry McMurtry
20 December 2007
A Different Kind of Gift
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or just enjoy the company of your family & friends during the last month of the year, the idea of gift-giving isn't far from our minds during December.
The US National Retail Federation is expecting overall holiday shopping to top $470 billion in 2007 (or, $815 per consumer), an increase of 4% over 2006 despite rising gas prices and mortgage issues. At least $30bn of that spending is expected from online shopping; according to Shop.org, 72 million Americans plan to shop via the computer this year.
What struck me was that while we're buying "stuff" to show people we care, in our increasingly busy world, maybe we're also making up for all the other times we haven't been there for them throughout the year. In addition, while I hate pushing through crowds in the mall, I realized I was isolating myself by shopping online, missing out on smiling at fellow shoppers and seeing joyful kids sitting on Santa's lap at the mall. No wonder the holidays have felt less pure as I've gotten older.
I wanted to get some of that magical sparkle back into my December so I brainstormed ways to show I care without maxing out the plastic. Looking back, I know I was touched when that super busy friend made time for a relaxed 1x1 dinner date. I loved the home-made chocolate chip cookies we got from our neighbor. I even enjoyed the old-fashioned hour-long phone call with my mother, when she listened to all of my latest updates.
So here's the not-so-secret I discovered: In this month of consumption and endless parties, some of the best memories I have, and the best gifts I have received, are actually the connection I have felt from someones time & attention. How can you show someone you care this season?
Quote of the Week: " The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention." - Richard Moss
The US National Retail Federation is expecting overall holiday shopping to top $470 billion in 2007 (or, $815 per consumer), an increase of 4% over 2006 despite rising gas prices and mortgage issues. At least $30bn of that spending is expected from online shopping; according to Shop.org, 72 million Americans plan to shop via the computer this year.
What struck me was that while we're buying "stuff" to show people we care, in our increasingly busy world, maybe we're also making up for all the other times we haven't been there for them throughout the year. In addition, while I hate pushing through crowds in the mall, I realized I was isolating myself by shopping online, missing out on smiling at fellow shoppers and seeing joyful kids sitting on Santa's lap at the mall. No wonder the holidays have felt less pure as I've gotten older.
I wanted to get some of that magical sparkle back into my December so I brainstormed ways to show I care without maxing out the plastic. Looking back, I know I was touched when that super busy friend made time for a relaxed 1x1 dinner date. I loved the home-made chocolate chip cookies we got from our neighbor. I even enjoyed the old-fashioned hour-long phone call with my mother, when she listened to all of my latest updates.
So here's the not-so-secret I discovered: In this month of consumption and endless parties, some of the best memories I have, and the best gifts I have received, are actually the connection I have felt from someones time & attention. How can you show someone you care this season?
Quote of the Week: " The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention." - Richard Moss
13 December 2007
Guilt Free
So here we are, rapidly approaching the US shipping deadlines for the holiday season, juggling the calendar to fit in holiday parties, gift shopping, card writing, and vacation planning. Have you ever stopped to figure out why, despite the exhaustion, December's schedule is still usually so much more pleasant than the same stressful busy-ness of the rest of the year?
One major reason is that we are not following arbitrary guidelines that we think others have set for us -- that guilt that leads us to do things because we think we must, should, ought to, and have to. Instead, the holidays bring on a sense of cheer and warmth and festivity, and WE CHOOSE what to do to embody that spirit.
You normally feel awful if you don't respond to emails in 5 minutes, but this month you stretch that to 24 hours because you're writing cards & sending letters to keep up with friends the old fashioned way. You don't feel guilty about spending money on gifts for your family and close friends, because you are excited to show them your thoughtfulness. You go for that extra cup of calorie-stuffed egg nog, because you are celebrating with friends. There's no law saying you must or mustn't do any of this, and you're freely following your own choices!
How would it feel to remove the word "guilt" from your motivational lexicon not just during the holidays, but through the rest of the year? How about saying yes to the things that you want to do, and then be comfortable saying no to the other things that don't fit into your absolute yes list?
Happy shopping, and happy shipping.
Quote of the Week: “Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we are going to do anyway.” -- Isabelle Holland
One major reason is that we are not following arbitrary guidelines that we think others have set for us -- that guilt that leads us to do things because we think we must, should, ought to, and have to. Instead, the holidays bring on a sense of cheer and warmth and festivity, and WE CHOOSE what to do to embody that spirit.
You normally feel awful if you don't respond to emails in 5 minutes, but this month you stretch that to 24 hours because you're writing cards & sending letters to keep up with friends the old fashioned way. You don't feel guilty about spending money on gifts for your family and close friends, because you are excited to show them your thoughtfulness. You go for that extra cup of calorie-stuffed egg nog, because you are celebrating with friends. There's no law saying you must or mustn't do any of this, and you're freely following your own choices!
How would it feel to remove the word "guilt" from your motivational lexicon not just during the holidays, but through the rest of the year? How about saying yes to the things that you want to do, and then be comfortable saying no to the other things that don't fit into your absolute yes list?
Happy shopping, and happy shipping.
Quote of the Week: “Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we are going to do anyway.” -- Isabelle Holland
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